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Part 7 - Revenge


There is one circumstance under which I would advise getting out of walking your girlfriend home at all costs. This is when both of the following are combined;

a) You have had too much to drink and
b) she lives in a different place from your other girlfriend.

Otherwise, you may end up walking her home to the wrong place, and then, believe me, the game is up. When this happened to me I pinned a notice on my door "To Whom it may concern". The contents are below, and I have found them useful many a time since.

I did have 101 of these, but I've forgotten most of them. What do you mean 'psychopath'?

Methods of Castration

1. cheese grater
2. garlic crusher
3. cheese wire
4. pair of bricks
5. paper cut and lemon juice
6. jam and ants
7. and aardvark
8. rusty scissors
9. blow torch
10. barbed wire
11. lawnmower
12. candle flame
13. machete
14. acid
15. liquid nitrogen
16. Eiffel tower and fishing wire
17. honey and bees
18. angry rottweiler
19. special ornamented clamps
20. knife and fork
21. boiling oil
22. nail clippers
23. pinking shears
24. barbecue
25. over zealous acupuncture
26. steamroller
27. potato masher



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