Poetry on the Doorstep

I thought of many ways to try and explain the problem with the poetry which accompanied the flowers, but really the best way is simply to reproduce it. So, here for your reading pleasure are the poems intended to woo me. I have repeated them word for word, letter for letter, apostrophe for apostrophe. If you're really lucky, one day I'll scan in the drawings too...

Poem 1 ~~Sarcastic Remarks~~ Constructive Criticism
Eleanor,
There once was a girl called Eleanor
This bloke just loved the smell of her. No, no, no, no, no. "Romantic" poetry and the word smell just do not go together.

The other day, I wish I could say, But I wish you wouldn't.
I fancy you rotten, I'm tellin' ya. Oh lucky me.

Love The Tuesday Night guy.

Poem 1	~~Sarcastic Remarks~~ Constructive Criticism
Eleanor,
There once was a girl called Eleanor
This bloke just loved the smell of her.	No, no, no, no, no. "Romantic" poetry and the word smell just do not go together.
The other day, I wish I could say,	But I wish you wouldn't.
I fancy you rotten, I'm tellin' ya.	Oh lucky me.
Love The Tuesday Night guy.

Poem 2	Comments
My Sweetheart Eleanor	Somewhat presumptuous I think.
These flowers are straight from my heart
For someone who is exceedingly smart
I want you so much. Your face I could touch	Oh no you can't
I wish we weren't always apart
Love Mr. Tuesday Night guy	Oh, so he's a Mr now.

Poem 3 Comments
My Sweetheart Eleanor

Now that I'm running out of money, By my calculations that means he only had Ł1.

Tell me, will you be my honey,

For this is the last time I'll be calling, Thank God!

So I'll want an answer tomorrow morning. I didn't see him the next morning. Maybe he changed his mind.

Now here's a clue as to who I am,

I'm tall, dark 'N handsome, without a spam, A complete lie, apart from not having any compressed meat products.

My hair is short and doesn't curl,

- So come on Eleanor, be my girl I don't think so

From Mr. Tuesday Night Guy

Poem 3	Comments
My Sweetheart Eleanor
Now that I'm running out of money,	By my calculations that means he only had Ł1.
Tell me, will you be my honey,
For this is the last time I'll be calling,	Thank God!
So I'll want an answer tomorrow morning.	I didn't see him the next morning. Maybe he changed his mind.
Now here's a clue as to who I am,
I'm tall, dark 'N handsome, without a spam,	A complete lie, apart from not having any compressed meat products.
My hair is short and doesn't curl,
- So come on Eleanor, be my girl	I don't think so
From Mr. Tuesday Night Guy

Poem 4 Comments
Eleanor.
Even though I know I shouldn't, Yes, you really shouldn't.
And, I also said I wouldn't,
Send you flowers, fresh & bright, Erm, not all that fresh actually, if you recall.
But what the hell it's Tuesday Night. Ooh how outrageous and spontaneous of him.

I don't want you to get upset
I wouldn't say upset. More hysterical really.
For, whom I'am I soon will let, What's with the apostrophe?
You know who I am, you get Okay, now I'm really lost
I love you dearly, come to me. What, did nothing rhyme with get?

Love from The Tuesday Night Guy

Poem 4	Comments
Eleanor.
Even though I know I shouldn't,	Yes, you really shouldn't.
And, I also said I wouldn't,
Send you flowers, fresh & bright,	Erm, not all that fresh actually, if you recall.
But what the hell it's Tuesday Night.	Ooh how outrageous and spontaneous of him.
I don't want you to get upset	I wouldn't say upset. More hysterical really.
For, whom I'am I soon will let,	What's with the apostrophe?
You know who I am, you get	Okay, now I'm really lost
I love you dearly, come to me.	What, did nothing rhyme with get?
Love from The Tuesday Night Guy

But wait, this poetry may be bad, but click here for his crowning glory. Click here for my Top Tips.